Going through changes

Well, today is the third day of my AP, officially and of course it is too soon to tell anything. I am in the worst flare of my life, and if it is true that in AP you have what they call Jarisch Herxheimer reaction, or Herx for short, then I cannot imagine getting worse before you get better, but I am certainly up to it. I mean what choice do you have? This is no way to live, so yes it is worth the effort to try.
It has been the most trying time in my life. My dad died in December. I don't know how people get over such a loss, but it has just devastated me. What am I to do now? Well first off I am getting well. I do not want to live this life God has given me, as a taker. I want to be a server, a giver a blessing, not a burden. So the goal is before me, like a carrot tied to a stick, just out of reach, but I am hungry enough to go for it. I am changing my way of thinking. I need to be positive in my goal of a healthy, happy, productive life. It will happen! Too many testimonials to lose hope. And with that I leave you to ponder your own life and if you are one of my many friends and relatives suffering the same or like problems, I ask you to consider AP. Go to the website and read for yourself. There is documentation to take to your doctor. However, if you want to wait and see, I will be your guinea pig. Why not? What have I got to lose? Pain, helplessness and fatigue. And I am so ready to lose that! Stay tuned!